那些年和事

My boyfriend and I have been together for over 15 years. I had my first HIV testing soon after he told me about him having been infected from unsafe sexual practices with strangers over the past months. I am glad that I am not infected by him. Somehow, I have lost trust in him, for not being a responsible partner, as he did not try to protect me by practicing safe sex outside of our relationship. However, as he is just as close to me as any of my other family members, and I would never want to abandon him while he suffers in his later life. Should I leave or stay? Now, I am faced with more uncertainties in life and the hardest choices to make.

从学校里学到的印象，HIV的成因是滥交和吸毒，所以我从来都没想过HIV这问题，做member做了4年，从来不烟不酒不药不炮，但偏偏就感染了HIV。

初初知道自己感染，情绪跌到低点，好像是一生人该没有比这更糟的事了。明明我只有和自己的男朋友做爱，并没有过其他的性伴侣，为何偏偏就是我？为何男朋友会传染我？他不爱我吗？会不会有可能是变种而来，并不是由他传给我的？心里面除了胡思乱想就是胡思乱想。

现在经过一些时间，有帮我验血的人陪我走过最艰难的时刻，我想跟香港的其他人说：“别再信什么滥交造成爱滋，不用安全套才是，选择错了，就有风险，你们都可以选择跟我不一样的结果。”

身边的朋友有吸毒人士，见多了也习惯，因为不清楚毒品的害处，日子久了我也尝试吸毒。过了一段日子始知自己有毒瘾，发作时很辛苦，但没有决心去戒毒。后来身体开始转差，很难找得到工作，便尝试去戒毒中心戒毒。

知道感染AIDS的时候，已经去到要服药的阶段，接受药物治疗后，现在健康很好，可以思考人生方向，除了工作，我会拍拖、结婚，也会告诉结婚对象我有这病，如果对方接纳，我相信我们可幸福生活在一起。

作为一位感染人士，当初被告知感染HIV，对我来说很震惊，因为从不知道HIV的感染途径，更难想像自己会受感染，其实死亡并不可怕，害怕的是不能告诉家人，自己要孤独面对这个陌生的病，已经忘记什么时候才有勇气告诉你我患病，感恩你的支持，你聆听我的困扰，对我是最有效的治疗，没有你我不能面对生活上的困境和难处。人生的路途上有顺境和逆境，逆境时当作休憩处，有能量后再前行，这是人生的意义。

When I was informed about my newly acquired status as a HIV-positive person during a regular checkup, I immediately burst into tears. When I was crying in the medical center, I then asked myself, what was I actually crying for? I could not give myself a convincing answer, because I had nothing to fear. Because death was still too far away. But crying was the only logical reaction that should be given by people like me, who have just been sentenced into this identity of eternal death.